Friendship- the state of being friends.
Friend - a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection.
typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
Associate - someone who is cool. Could know them through association or social media. Not close.
What does it mean to be a good friend?
Being someone who is loyal and accepting of people as they are.
Being there during the good and bad times.
Being honest and upfront even when it maybe uncomfortable.
Being able to be counted on.
Signs of a healthy friendship.
You feel safe sharing things with this person.
You aren’t mocked or ridiculed.
Your boundaries are respected.
Your friend is not in competition with you.
You can be your true authentic self with them.
Your secrets are safe with them.
You mutually support each other.
You can agree to disagree.
You enjoy spending time with eachother.
You’re able to grow together.
Traits of a Toxic or Unhealthy Friendships.
Competitive.
One-Sided.
Difficulty Apologizing
The focus is always on them.
Critical Comments.
Judgemental and Opinionated.
Trigger Insecurities.
Energy Draining.
Possessive.
Leads to Self Doubt.
Disrespect Boundaries.
Gossipy.
Personal Examples
Delanio - brief background, known since high school, friendship matured after college, experienced a lot of life lessons together, long story short, he met a young woman whom is now his wife. A month after he started dating her I met John’a, when all met each other in July ’19 and then the issues began. He would come back and tell me the things his then girlfriend would comment about me here and there in addition to the issues he had with her personally. It got to a point where they would be speaking on John’a and I during their marriage counseling sessions. She would manipulate him with the Bible and religion, and because he always wants to do what is right, he went along. He would call and tell me things about his pastors daughter being gay but then got saved and married a man. (Praying the gay away) He would ask how could Gay people attend church? (Believes gay people hate God) He said he couldn’t (even tho he wasn’t even invited yet) attend John’a and I’s wedding if we were to get married. (supporting sin) and the list goes on. That friendship ended because it became toxic. My life didn’t align with his anymore this way clear. What I didn’t understand at the time is how someone so close to me could judge me so harshly. Solely off of what another person who truly doesn’t know me says. I then realized that insecurities played a huge part in the falling out of our friendship on his end. That so far has been my biggest let down in my friend sector.
Lola - brief background, known since college, my roll dog for years to come. We’ve experienced a lot of highs and lows, Lola was the person that would listen to hours of me crying and complaining. I went ghost on her for the first time after going through a break up with a guy who happened to be her best friend before I came into the picture. So I kind of took her from him. I was really unsure of who to trust in my life at that point and I honestly wasn’t sure if she was playing both sides or not. Luckily, we were able to sit down and talk things out. I gave her my word that I would try my best to communicate better the next time. So, After college days were over for me we ended up living in two different cities, hours apart which somewhat resulted in us growing apart in many ways. I went on the get married and have a child, while Lola went on the continue her studies. Life continued and we kept in touch here and there but always knew we had one another. That was until my life started changing dramatically, I was going through a divorce and had just stepped into spirituality - tarot. I completely started my life over social media wise, I deleted all my old stuff and created new ones under the name evolving spiritually. At that point in my life whoever followed and came along for the ride came along, who didn’t, I didn’t force to. Well, Lola happened to fall into the people who didn’t move forward with me in that new phase of life. I honestly didn’t even recognize at the time because we had grown apart. Little did I know that I would miss Lola so much, and when I say miss. I mean who she was as a person, her honesty and truth. She always saw me for who I was and never judged that. I realized that I “ghosted her” and I honestly only realized that when my wife told me that maybe past lovers ghosted me because I ghost my “friends”. It literally made me cringe she was so right! I immediately thought of Lola after she said that. Luckily I was able to salvage that friendship, but I will say that I was not aware of how much I hurt her in that process. It wasn’t until we had a phone conversation about it.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH A “BAD” FRIEND THAT YOU WANT APART OF YOUR LIFE?
Communicate what the problem(s) are within the friendship. Set Boundaries.
Give the person time and space to process it, and go off of their response or reaction to it.
Then choose where they fit best in your life moving forward.
LEGACY VS EVOLUTIONARY FRIENDS
LEGACY FRIEND: someone you’ve known for a long time but might not evolve with you. They know where you come from.
EVOLUTIONARY FRIENDS: newer friends who might not be as dependable, but help push you forward in your evolution.
OPEN DISCUSSION
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