Dealing With Jealousy & Envy | Being Jealous Is Normal
JEALOUSY - feeling or showing envy of someone on their achievements and advantages.
The feeling that comes up when a friend is interested or invested in another person or thing.
ex. - knowing someone personally who came from where I came and make a name for themselves, and is from what I can see very financially stable. It used to make me wonder, what was so special about her? Nothing other than the fact that she went for it, at any cost I’m sure. But the flip side was I’m sure she sacrificed a lot more than I ever would be willing to. The lesson I had to learn was to let that be motivation for me instead of something else to beat me down and say that I can’t. I realized that that was showing me that I was more than capable, if she did it, I surely could!
ENVY - a feeling of discontent or resentful longing for someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
the feelings that come up when a friend has something we desire and feel they are less deserving of.
(Co-worker getting a promotion over you, and you feeling they don’t deserve it because they work as hard as you do, and then you act on it to potentially sabotage it.)
(People who go out of their way to make negative or hateful comments.)
ROOT OF JEALOUSY & ENVIOUSNESS
INSECURITY- uncertainty or anxiety about oneself, lack of confidence.
SIGNS OF JEALOUSY
Attempts to copy you.
Downplays your achievements.
Compares their lives to yours.
Gives backhanded compliments. (That’s surprisingly good)
Example of TYRA - wedding day, taking photos before my reception and had the audacity to say, “I never thought you’d get married and have kids before me.” i was like, what? I didn’t understand what exactly wrong with what she said in that moment but it’s called a backhanded compliment.
Dwells on your past, mistakes, or shortcomings.
Praise you in public but critique you in private.
Example. CHILDHOOD. People not telling me I’m ashy until after the fact.
Disappears when things are going good for you in life.
Try to get others to feel the same negative way as they do about you.
Look for conspiracies or foul play to justify why you’re “winning” in life.
Example. We went through a shortcoming about two years ago and literally lost everything. Of course even we at the time couldn’t make sense of it but after a while we did. People would say we lost everything because we’re gay and God doesn’t like us together. They’d say because I’m doing the devils work by reading tarot. They never looked at it in a spiritual sense, we went through a hardship in life that taught us that we had each other at any cost, that we weren’t just down for each other when the money was poppin’ and life was a breeze. We went through struggles that put us on track in life with the things that really matter in life. We learned life lessons. That all that luxury flashy shit is cool, but do you own it at the end of the day? How much of what you pride yourself on doesn’t actually belong to you? Those struggles solidified our partnership and has made life a lot more freeing for all three of us!
HEALTHY AND WELL, NORMAL JEALOUSY
INSERT SCREENSHOT OF POLL FROM INSTAGRAM: Do you believe in healthy jealousy?
47% said YES 53% said NO.
DID YOU KNOW? Occasional jealousy is normal.
What makes it healthy, is when you use it for your own benefit, let those things motivate you to push forward from where you are. That is a clear sign and indication that you deeply desire more for yourself and life. Go and get it your own way!
INSERT SCREENSHOT OF POLL FROM INSTAGRAM: have you ever been jealous of someone before?
86% YES 14% NO.
WHERE DOES JEALOUSY COME FROM?
Feeling unsatisfied with your own life trajectory.
Difficulty trusting others in relationships.
Having a perfectionist mindset.
Not having a growth or abundance mindset.
Being a competitive person.
Was just speaking on this with my girl Janet (@J_sthetics) the other day about how I never compared myself to anyone when it came to sports and athletics, I’ve always just done my own thing. But since starting pole I’ve found myself discouraged because I’m comparing myself to someone who has been doing this for years, and I’ve only been in the pole game for about two months now.
Not receiving attention or resources from your parents or childhood, don’t worry we willl go deeper on this in just a moment.
A fear of being replaced.
Feeling insecure about yourself.
JEALOUSY IN FRIENDSHIPS AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
INSERT SCREENSHOT OF POLL FROM INSTAGRAM: do you believe that a significant other can be jealous of their spouse?
74% YES 26% NO
Example. Ex-Husband. He would literally get his underwear in a knot over the OBGYN speaking and acknowledging me instead of him at certain times. I’ve had friends vent about their spouse having this and making this much and feeling an ugly type of way about it. These are toxic relationship signs, you should align with someone who lifts you up and pushes you to always reach your true potential, even if it looks more promising than yours because if y’all are really one, you going right there with them.
But yes lord, a spouse or relationship partner can definitely be jealous of their person. Also, it goes both ways for both genders, men are just as jealous as women out here, they just have different reasons before being so.
“Sometimes jealousy isn’t because of what you have materialistically, people envy how others love you, or show love to you, even how you love yourself at times. People will envy the way you’ve handled a situation that they would have probably died over.
What they thought would’ve broken you, didn’t. They can’t stand to see you hold your head up high. Some people envy you’re intelligence and how you can make things happen for yourself. They envy because something that they couldn’t get past, you passed with flying colors.”
CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS THAT LINK TO JEALOUSY
INSERT SCREENSHOT OF POLL FROM INSTAGRAM: do you believe that jealousy is linked to childhood trauma?
100% YES
INSERT SCREENSHOT OF POLL FROM INSTAGRAM: what do you think people are most jealous of in general?
MEN
Power - authority, and control.
Money - equals being a provider. Independent (Daddy issues)
Status - clout, wanting to take someones spot. Get the perks.
WOMEN
Beauty - physical appearance.
Relationships - marriage, kids, friends life in general.
Material Possessions - clothes, shoes, cars.
IS THERE A LINK TO JEALOUSY: MOMMY or DADDY ISSUES?
Why mommy or daddy (specifically) issues? Because mommy holds the energy of femininity which connected to our emotions, how we feel. daddy holds the energy of masculinity, which is less of a feeler more of a doer. If you lacked those representations, or weren’t shown a healthy perspective in your childhood from a caretaker then this could contribute to being a jealous person. Of course everyone is different but a lot of the collective could possibly agree in someway on this.
JEALOUSY IN PARENT/CHILD RELATIONSHIPS CAN LOOK LIKE
The parent or caregiver is competitive with you.
The parent or caregiver is not interested when you share important news.
The parent or caregiver takes on the victim role in disagreements.
The parent or caregiver discourages the relationships with other parents.
The parent or caregiver constantly criticizes you.
The parent or caregiver tells you that you are wrong often.
OPEN DISCUSSION
let’s engage in the comment section! Tell me what your thoughts are on friends and friendships? Anything you want to add to this discussion? Be sure to leave it down below! Also, be sure to click to bell notifications so that you don’t miss the Premieres every Monday @ 6pm EST. Join us in the live chat as we can all watch and discuss together in real time, can’t wait to see you there!